Hi guys,
It’s been a few days since I have written, I have been doing a lot of reading and research on what is happening. Understanding it and educating yourself will really help you a lot when you get older and are working out what happened to you. I am so sad I am missing out on these years of your life. Sad I can’t teach you things, sad I can’t give you loving wholesome experiences like the ones I had when I was your age. But I am also very sad for your future and what you will have to work through as adults. It used to enrage me to the point where I couldn’t even get out of bed but I know now that the damage has been done and you truly believe you are better off with your Dad and without me in your life. This will come back and hurt you when you get older and realize the time that was stolen from you and the loving extended family that was stolen from you.
These photos came up on memories today. Natalie you were 4 months old, Tanner was almost 3. We went home to Roanoke Rapids to Gong Gong and Po Po’s house. Everyone was so happy to have you guys at home.
Tanner loved going to Chuck E Cheese. It had lots of games and rides to play and then his favorite, pizza. It was such a fun experience. Nat, You had no idea where you were you were just so happy with all the love from PoPo and Gong Gong. Nat you were (and still are) so cute that everyone just loved holding you and loving you.
Gong Gong was the first one to hold you. He came to see you 6 hours after you were born. He had come from America to Shanghai to take care of Tanner while Mommy went to the hospital to give birth to you. You both were so loved even before you were born. You still are.
Nat you still have this same sweet face when you sleep, it looks just like my sleeping face. I love you and miss you so much. I miss holding your hand as we fell asleep. I miss you breathing in my face. I miss waking up and seeing you sleep next to me. I miss rubbing your soft cheeky with my nose. I miss you Natalie.
Tanner you loved going to feed the ducks with PoPo when she came home from work. But I think you liked eating the bread more than feeding the ducks themselves. I grew up doing this and PoPo was so happy to be doing this with you, her first grandson.
Tanner and Natalie, you are who you are today because of the amazing people who surrounded you when you were little. We were always together, always. I didn’t even have an ayi to take care of you when I didn’t work. We were always just the three of us. I miss you so much but there is a whole world of good people who miss you too.
You are loved …. always and forever.
Letters from Mommy 